Ok, I couldn’t keep a straight face either. Truth is, I am analytical-to-the-point-of-paralysis, analytical. Some would say over-analytical. Others would look at that first group and scoff at their general understatement.  I don’t like ALL details, but selectively I obsess over some of them:  Business and financial decisions, proper mis-en-place for a meal, most efficient staging of that same meal, regression analysis of sports driven statistics, flavor (scent) profiles of certain foods and drink and lastly, how I plan and pack for a trip to the woods.  It’s this last one that seems to produce the most consternation and hand-wringing.

You see, I don’t want to be too heavy, cold, hot, hungry, wasteful, tired, uncomfortable, wet, eco-negligent, food-smelly, body-smelly, bored, careless, obsessive (yikes!), unprotected, thirsty, dysentery-ed, lightening struck, bear eaten and lastly, unprepared for a roving band of wild gnats that may threaten my very …..well, they would just be a nuisance.  So to stay on top of all of these potential maladies, I start planning a trip about 2 months in advance.  To stay outside for one, or perhaps two nights.

I start with the time of travel.  Having children and not wanting to leave your spouse with 140% of the child rearing responsibilities requires a careful lobbying effort and multiform request process to be granted permission to go.  Could I just go?  Sure.  But to go with permission (no matter how coerced) is much more beneficial to the long term well being of your relationship (Or so I am told).  Once the date is determined I am locked in no matter WHAT!  But Brad, this goes against that hard lesson you learned while hiking in the lightning and you said that you basically have to be Mother Nature’s (bleep) and you can’t enforce your will on her?  Good point, fair reader…..but given the choice between Mother Nature and having to re apply for permission, I’ll take my chances with the clouds.  Or the cold in this case,  as I am going in Mid February.

Then I pick the route or section of trail that I wish to be travelling on.  The Shenandoah area sounds like a nice winter hike, doesn’t it? …….. Then I pick again because I remember that one time in VA when it snowed an inch and you would have thought the polar ice cap descended on the area and that Armageddon was approaching with the way everyone reacted.  Hike North to South? South to North?  A Loop trail?  Fuss with setting up a shuttle?  Closest parking for the shuttle?  Cheapest parking for the shuttle?  Safest parking for the shuttle?  Use the shelters?  Tent? Hammock?  How are the water sources spaced?  How much do I need to carry?  What is my method of water purification?  Is it too much mileage?  Is there a bailout route?  Which way makes it easiest to catch the best vistas?  (I’m still not done but I’ll spare you the rest)

On to the gear list, revising it roughly ten times, packing, realizing I need more space so unpacking and trying my bigger bag, unbalanced-do it again, too loose-do it again, forgot the waterproof liner-do it again, finally unpack until time for departure…..still at least two weeks away.

Food list-4 revisions.

Footwear-2 or 3 mind changes

Clothing-changes everyday that the weather report changes.

Finally, the day of departure will be upon me (more on that when I return).  I will do the final load, say goodbye and shove off…….only to realize after 2.6 miles on the trail, that I forgot to bring toilet paper.  Don’t forget the simple things, Brad.

simplicity, simplicity, simplicity….